Fix It Or Treat It As A Disgrace?

Illustration of Fix It Or Treat It As A Disgrace?
Illustration: Fix It Or Treat It As A Disgrace? timesheraldonline.com

Hello doctor.

1 Answer:

Wa alaikumsalam, thank you for asking at HealthReplies.com. From your story, what this woman feels is actually a condition that is commonly encountered and often felt by people her age. Everyone has a need to love and be loved, cared for and cared for, because from a psychological point of view, it falls into one of the basic needs.

The picture above shows the hierarchy of needs designed by Abraham Maslow, an American psychologist, who first raised this theory from his paper entitled 'A Theory of Human Motivation' in 1943. From the pyramid, it can be seen that when a human being has his primary needs met , namely food, water, warmth, and rest (which in Indonesian is called clothing, food, and shelter), as well as the need for a sense of security and comfort, the next need that must be met is the psychological need consisting of friends, and close relationships, furthermore is loving and being loved, be it in the form of a partner, or from parent to child and the like.


That is why many people like to have pets, take care of plants, or play games that require us to take care of these game characters to adulthood and such because by doing so, our need to love will be channeled to the animal, plant or game. But still, we also have a need to be loved.


The need to be loved is what in your story, the woman did not get from her parents, which could be said to be "coincidence" she got from the man. Whether a man is in the end the 'right person' or not is not determined from this. The woman may think that man is everything, but it could be just an outpouring of her desire to be loved that is not channeled. Think of this as a large bucket full of water. If there is only one hole under it, the water coming out of the hole will be very heavy. But if there are many holes around the body of the bucket, then the water that comes out won't be as heavy. If a woman can get her psychological needs not only from the man, then she will feel calmer and more comfortable in living her daily life.


So back to your question, this is not a disgrace or a psychological disorder, but only a logical consequence of the changing attitude of adolescents into young adults, which requires a more intense relationship with the opposite sex and does not get the attention of their parents. This psychological conflict can make both women and men more mature and more mature, depending on their willingness to see things from various aspects. For example, why the matter of the proposal has not been approved by the parents is because of the age that is still too young, the absence of economic independence, and the personal experience of the two parents themselves that marriage is not easy at all. There are times in a marriage where someone should be able to rest at home and play with their children, but are forced to be busy working because they have to meet economic demands, children's school needs, daily needs and so on.


So our advice to you, don't think of this kind of thing as the end of the world. Everyone has their own problem and often it becomes a problem, because that person thinks it is a problem. By willingness to try to put our condition from someone else's point of view and to try to teach things about everything, basically all problems can be solved. If the woman needs a place to tell her problem, she can contact a psychiatrist or psychologist even if it's just to tell. So, hopefully it answers your question.

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