Handling Of Children Who Are Not Accustomed To Tend To Stay Away From Parents?
noon, please help me in the direction. my husband and I are divorced and the baby’s child has joined my parents and I ldr because they have to earn a living in another city (jawatimur), every month I go home, now my child’s age is 4th and I was also married 5 months ago, we agreed to bring the child to live with us but there was a rebellion from my son … before marriage I had introduced a new father to the child and was still fine to talk and play, but after marriage my son did not want to talk again with the father continued, there might be a great sense of jealousy , the way of speaking is also rude and the same is me every time in the video call also do not want to talk, we intend to care for children before it’s too late the more feared he has the more thought that we are. … I have been given understanding from the age of 3.5 years and tried to introduce the environment in East Java as well (at that time, his grandmother was still caring for his mother. au) and still don’t want to … if you get mad at 2am and cry for a long time … and the next question if you wriggle for a long time does it cause the psychic to become bad, what are the side effects? Thank you …… 🙏
Good afternoon, thank you for asking at HealthReplies.com. We understand your feelings. It is true that the child's psychological condition must be considered early to avoid various problems in the future, and it is also true that children should be closer to their parents than others even though it is their own grandmother because you will raise them and they will take care of you in old age. later. It's no exaggeration to say that children are our most valuable assets.
Regarding your question, what you must understand is that on one hand, your child already knows his grandmother better than you and continues to spend a long time with his grandmother than you. Naturally, if then he will be more difficult to manage because maybe you feel more 'stranger' to him. For a child who does not understand anything, kept away from a grandmother who has been providing shelter, food and sharing many pleasant moments, may be considered the same as being drawn to happiness and safety, or even put in danger.
On the other hand, the toddler's mind is still too simple, he does not have the personality, life principles, values, good and bad understanding, and various other considerations that complicate this condition when it occurs in adults. In a sense, his mind is actually still very changeable. In changing it, the key is you have to be patient. What you have to understand is that what has become a habit for the past few years, you cannot change in 1-2 weeks. Especially if he is very attached to the grandmother and the environment in which she lives, and you have not been present for her. You must understand that change requires a process, even for toddlers.
Then, don't let your rush and impatience make you look bad to your child. Get closer to him again, feed him, bathe him, read stories or sing before going to sleep, take the role that has been carried out by his grandmother. His grandmother must also be involved in this, by teaching you what your child has been enjoying all this time. If in taking on that role, your child wants to be with his grandmother, no problem, do the three. Don't make this as a competition. The goal is simply to convince your child that you love him.
In addition, you mentioned that you were trying to give him an understanding. This is good, but a 4-year-old child, or even lacking, cannot understand an adult's explanation. They only know fun things. An easy example is that child abductors do not persuade children with understanding, but with candy or toys. So you can reduce the explanation, and increase your time on him and do fun things with him.
Apart from all that, if he still can not be attached to you, do not be angry, do not be disappointed, and do not behave that your efforts have been in vain because it will make your child more afraid of you. Talk and consult with a child psychologist or psychiatrist, to discuss what steps are most appropriate for you to apply specifically to your child. So, hopefully answering your question.