How To Deal With Trauma That Has Long Been Difficult To Choose A Partner?
, I had a trauma when I was in junior high school. Until now I have not been able to forget that incident. Even now only I know about it, I can’t tell others about this problem even to my parents. The impact that I just experienced recently is a matter of my love affairs. I have never dated, I became too idealistic in choosing a partner. I was close to a woman about two months ago when I last communicated. Now I always feel that my causes with him are not smooth in the relationship due to myself, I always blame myself. We are both in the same office, every day we meet but never say hi.
Good afternoon, thanks for asking at HealthReplies.com. Traumatic events in the past have indeed proven to have an effect on a person's life, but whether they have good, bad effects, and in what form their effects can vary from person to person.
In your case, we really can't be of much help because there is still too little information we have about you, like what trauma you experienced in the past, how you responded at that time, how your parents' attitudes towards you, what caused you feel that your condition is now affected by the incident, whether there are certain physical symptoms that affect your daily life, how your social interaction is now both fellow or opposite sex, and so forth.
Furthermore, why you feel your relationship ends because of your mistakes is also important. Because there are many people who really have a tendency to always blame themselves when in reality they don't. All of this information is needed even just to distinguish whether your current condition is normal (because it must be realized, many people without psychological disorders are indeed too selective in choosing a partner) or there are disturbances, not to mention if there is indeed a disturbance, which disorder.
We understand that you might not be comfortable telling it, but you also need to realize that if you need professional help, at least that's what you have to do. Because in psychological disorders, the approach depends on the specific problem of the person. Concrete examples in your case, you feel too idealistic in choosing a partner, the cause so that someone can finally have this thinking can be diverse, some have been disappointed by the opposite sex in the past, some because of the influence of their parents, some because he has a personality perfectionists, there are those who feel that they are the highest, could be because they have been publicly humiliated, and many more. If we insist on giving you advice, it is very likely that what we have to say is too general that you may already know it, or even if it tries to be specific, it is very likely not to suit your circumstances.
So our advice, if indeed you feel disturbed and want to change it all, at least consult your problem with a psychologist first. Don't be afraid and ashamed, because actually there are many people who have psychological problems like you, even though they may not be exactly the same. Having psychological problems does not mean that you are weak or weak. Everyone has their own psychological problems, with their respective struggles. By consulting with a psychologist, or perhaps to a psychiatrist, you will be guided to get to know yourself better, and to know how to become a better person than you are now. So, hopefully answering your question.