Inner Pressure From The Mother Herself?

Illustration of Inner Pressure From The Mother Herself?
Illustration: Inner Pressure From The Mother Herself? media.npr.org

My mother is a strong figure and always wants to do all the work herself. Since childhood, I was not allowed to do homework. When it worked I was boarding (because the office location was very far). When returning home (staying on vacation) I see the house is not as comfortable as before. Poorly maintained. I think because my mother is old and gets tired easily. Finally I do whatever I think I should clean / tidy up. My father was happy to see all of my work and praised me. But as soon as my mother appeared, and look at what I was doing, she was actually pitched in annoyance with the insinuation I was doing not in her favor. And I was even advised not to be too neat. Once because I was disappointed I let it go. I don’t take care of the house. But my mother even quipped me in front of my father and brother, he said the house was dirty, everything my mother always clean. So in the eyes of my father and mother, I could not do anything. Cannot help. Even though it was my turn to help take care of the house, my mother seemed jealous. I was confused what to do. I do not want to hate my mother. But on the other hand I often feel depressed when my mother isolates me with that attitude in front of my father and brother. Does my mother have a disorder? Because this happened for years. I also have to do what should be. Because my mother can’t be reprimanded if something goes wrong. I am his daughter, I feel my mother does not like me.

1 Answer:

Good afternoon, thank you for asking at HealthReplies.com. We understand your feelings. Before proceeding, we appreciate your attitude which continues to love your mother even though her treatment can hurt you. On the other hand, not all attitudes of people who do not suit us are a form of disorder. It could be that his personality was formed due to a certain thing.

Among these things, it could be that your mother used to play an important role, whether it was in the office, in the environment or in the family, and she was not ready for the limitations she faced when she was old and her body weakened. It could also be because he really doesn't want to bother others, but the way he shows it isn't quite right. It could be because your mother has a perfectionist attitude and she only wants to do things only in her manner and standards. It could be due to hormonal changes due to menopause, and it could be due to various other reasons that we cannot know for sure unless we ask.

Our advice, because you also care about your mother, invite her to talk and ask what she really wants. Tell him that you want to serve, want to be useful as a child and want to repay all his mother's labors so far. If indeed your mother is not comfortable telling it to you, talk to your father and ask him to talk to your mother. The point is that everything must be discussed. It is only when your mother's behavior is detrimental to others and herself, for example she is scolding neighbors or passers-by for no apparent reason, check her with a psychologist or psychiatrist. But while it hasn't reached that stage yet, prioritizing communication between families.

Meanwhile, be patient with your mother's attitude. Think of your ability to tolerate your mother's attitude as a way of serving your parents. If you want to help, don't make it look like a competition, by showing that you are neater, more powerful and more meritorious than your mother. If you really want to help, just trim some of what you can do without being seen by others, and let your mother feel like she is tidying it up. If you get yelled at, just be patient because we don't always understand people's hearts, even though she's our own biological mother. So, hopefully answering your question.

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